Consider the climate created in blogs and twitter when users blast each other’s ideas and put writers down with sneering, sarcastic snips. Negative comments and sniping tweets fuel a competitive duel of intellectual one-upmanship. It isn’t pretty.
It’s toxic.
I’m immersed in social media — facebook, twitter, plurk — and the exchange of ideas often generates lively and impassioned debates that feed our minds. But the informational feast suffers a rude guest when an intellectual bully sits at the table and starts flailing insults and overpowering the conversation. The effect of the bully’s domination is like a sloppy food fight ruining everyone’s good time.
Hey, you!
Just because you know something about a topic doesn’t mean you know it all. And just because you have a different opinion than someone else about a topic doesn’t mean your opinion is superior. You are not the only person with worthwhile thoughts.
Can we please just try to get along when we discuss ideas?
Message to self: Put relationships first and ideas second. Relationships will last; ideas will come and go.
It all comes back to manners, which should always attempt to preserve dignity and show respectful regard for others. My mother often repeated the reminder: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Later, when learning about teacher mentoring techniques, I was taught a corollary: “Sandwich constructive criticism between two compliments.”
When participating in discussions, my hope is that I will always strive to preserve a friendly and open-minded relationship, even among strangers in a virtual meeting place. Put-downs and condescending tones do not belong in an intellectual exchange of ideas.
photo: “Wednesday” by the cherry blossom girl: www.flickr.com/photos/26959633@N05/3247608608
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Posted on June 13th, 2009 by Sharon Elin
Filed under: Uncategorized
Sharon, I hope no one is bullying you. I have been amazed at how welcomed I’ve been made to feel in my social networks. Sharing ideas and infromation is the easy part, making someone feel comfortable takes more work. Thank you to everyone in my PLN (personal learning network) for not bullying me.
I tweeted this line from your post, “Put relationships first and ideas second. Relationships will last; ideas will come and go”. Hope to garners a lot of comments.
Thanks for your comment, Paula. No, I haven’t been bullied, but I’ve noticed a condescending tone from some users on these networks. I also wanted to remind myself about using good maners. I recently sat myself down and reflected honestly about my own tendency to believe that my points of view and knowledge are more enlightened than others’ . In my role as a technology integrator, I often conduct workshops and train teachers, and I’m consulted as an “expert” in some cases. This is a position in which it is too easy to come across as better than or superior to others. I wanted to bring myself down a peg or two and remember to regard everyone as equal. I was thinking that perhaps all educators should consider this, because we are often in a naturally “superior” role as teachers. Our students, colleagues, and parents deserve to be treated with regard, and they need to be listened to. They have good ideas, too.
I can’t agree with you more. There is a Chatboard for my subject area that I would love to participate in more but every time I go, there are such rude and self righteous individuals participating that I can’t stomach it! It is unfortunate because there are many great teachers on there and I could learn a lot but the ones that are condescending, dismissive, or just plain know-it-alls are just too toxic for me. I don’t feel like it is a safe place for me to discuss my thoughts, ideas, or problems. I don’t want to waste time and energy on individuals that aren’t a positive influence. I appreciate your post and all of your helpful and supportive resources and information. Thank you!
Great piece of truth and reflection. Succinct.
I think it is great to remind people to be polite from time to time. It seems many forget the manners taught by their parents. We have opinions and sometimes can get upset when others don’t see things our way, but honestly do we want a world of people who think and feel just as we do? The collective thoughts and ideas of my PLN help me to grow and expand my knowledge.
Well said! Many years ago, I had one of my first computers teachers say “There are no experts.” I still use his phrase. We have so much we can learn from one another. I love challenging my students to share different ideas, and I ask them to be respectful when encountering a different idea. Many of them try to bully others when their ideas are different. They are surprised when I am not closed but accepting of their ideas.
In this day and age, manners and etiquette are not taught and there is something to be said for them. I see so much disrespect and lack of regard for one another, and other people’s feelings. We don’t always have to agree with one another, but one day, we might just learn something new, if we listen to a different and new idea, other than our own narrow point of view!
Thank you for your insight!